FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE                                      
CONTACT: Amit Itelman

The Steve Allen Theater presents

          CUT THE CRAP!

“Words can barely describe the laugh-till-you-stain-yourself genius of Clam Lynch, a talent so huge it would take the combined DNA of Andy Kaufman, Lenny Bruce, and Buster Keaton to reconstruct so much as his frontal lobe. Clam is the voice of all our happy nightmares and quite possibly the funniest man alive.”-Jerry Stahl, author of Permanent Midnight, Plainclothes Naked, and I, Fatty: A Novel.

“Clam Lynch raises absurdity to an art form, silliness to a science, goofy to genius.”

-Tom Murrin, performance editor, Paper Magazine

Track 16 Gallery is pleased to announce the !EXTENDED! theatrical run of CLAM LYNCH CUT THE CRAP! written and performed by Clam Lynch and directed by Russell Bates. Cut the Crap! continues EVERY WEDNESDAY IN JULY (6, 13, 20 & 27) at 8:00 P.M. at the STEVE ALLEN THEATER, (at the Center for Inquiry-West) located at 4773 Hollywood Boulevard (at Berendo) in Los Angeles. To reserve tickets, please call the Steve Allen Theater at the Center for Inquiry-West at (323) 960-7785, or visit Ticket price is $10.

Cut The Crap!™

Written and performed by Clam Lynch
Directed by Russell Bates
Executive Producer, Tom Patchett
Producer, Amit Itelman
Visual Aid, Young Produce

Do you want to change your life, but you don’t know where to begin? Are you ready to realize your own “special specialness”? Is it time to set achievable goals (like getting out of bed, for example)?

Clam® is here and ready to lead you on this important journey. Clam Lynch has teamed up with acclaimed director Russell Bates to help you make enormous strides in personal growth and self-discovery without any of the annoying pain and hard work.

Whether you’ve been sleeping under a bridge downtown or in the back seat of your Mercedes S350, Clam understands your situation, and he’s an authority on relieving the burden of excess cash overflow. Or underflow! Or whatever!

Clam focuses on results. So you don’t have a home, a car, a job? Get one! It’s as simple as that. Well, no it isn’t, really, because then you wouldn’t need this seminar. And you do need this seminar! You need to get down here and learn about practicing Happy Joy Bottom and Eating Brown.

Clam wants to help you, so that you can help Clam help you help him.

Clam’s dynamic program is going to get you out of the trunk and into the driver’s seat on the highway to success.

Clam is 58% sure that this seminar will in all likelihood change your life.

You’re already working the program. You’ve taken the first step toward the door. But the door is locked, and Clam has the key. And also the code to the alarm.

If you want more money, better relationships, and healthier health, come to Clam’s seminar. If you don’t want these things, don’t come. That’s the power of choice that Clam is ready to unleash for you. And that’s got to be worth something, right?

For additional information, please refer to

Biographical Information

Clam Lynch

Clam began his performance career in 1990 with Theatre Carnival, a local phenomenon that combined gigantic cardboard props, indescribably gross costumes, and sampled children’s music into a chaotic explosion of fake fur, absurd visuals, noise, and very bad taste. They performed at local club venues opening for such rock bands as L7, Pearl Jam, Celebrity Skin, Ethel Meatplow among others.

In 1992, Torture Chorus, an offshoot of Theatre Carnival, presented at the Tokyo Theater Festival and continued a tour of four major Japanese cities with local noise bands. The tour was documented in Aaron Osbourne’s film Noise Sushi. That same year, Clam, along with Johanna Went, Tom Murrin and Stephen Holman, formed Bigg Mess, a no-rules performance art troupe messing up The Kitchen in New York for a four week run.

In addition to his performance work, Clam (with Stephen Holman) developed, designed, and acted in two children's television shows: Life with Loopy and The Shrimpskins for Nickelodeon.

Clam has written and performed numerous solo shows, most recently the continually evolving Cut The Crap, which ran for a series of sold-out performances at Track 16 Gallery in Santa Monica. He also created Out of the Asses, a one-man show in the annual Flophouse series of performance at Crazy Space, Los Angeles; a run of Saving Private Dancer at the Tamarind Theater and the HBO Workspace; and Happy City, a presentation for the USA Network.

Russell Bates, Director

Russell Bates' music video career began with Sub Pop Records, the label famous for launching Nirvana, Soundgarden and other Seattle rock legends.  There he directed videos for many of the area's up and coming artists including The Spinanes, Sebadoh, Mark Lanegan, Everclear and Sunny Day Real Estate.  After co-directing the independent feature "Sheila And The Brainstem" at UCLA film school in the early '90s, he joined MTV as a segment director/editor on shows like The Big Picture, MTV Sports, the MTV Video Music Awards and the MTV Movie Awards.  His annual directorial work for the VH1 Fashion Awards includes the two satiric short films starring Ben Stiller as a fictional male model named Derek Zoolander (later developed as a feature film vehicle for Stiller) and a ridiculous parody of a fashion photographer named Bruce Testones. His numerous MTV Movie Awards short films include “Armagedd’NSync” (featuring ‘NSync and Lisa Kudrow) and a spoof on the movie “Castaway”, featuring Andy Dick. Russell most recently directed short films for Comedy Central’s Last Laugh 2004